I sold my designer clothes for a dream.
I know what you might be thinking, she did what now?
Okay, let me give you some context here.
Not that long ago, I worked for a high-end brand called Zimmermann, while I worked other jobs freelance at the same time, it was still my primary income for a really long time. So, as you can imagine, after around 5 years there as a casual; getting free uniforms, discounts and commission in vouchers meant a lot of Zimmermann clothes.
After I left that job, I was working full time writing from home and realised I’d had clothes sitting in my cupboard for 6 months to 3 years I’d never worn, and honestly, might wear once more in 5 - 10 years. Now, I live in a little run-down beach shack, the pros being the beach and the cons being broken and run-down everything. The closet doors don’t close, which means one day as I lay pondering on my bed, I zoned out staring into my closet and drifted off to Narnia, kidding, but I did drift off. I started thinking my clothes looked like they’d been put to sleep, dreaming, and then, as thoughts often do, they lead into another connected string of thoughts. Dreams… the dreams you have when you sleep and the ones you have wide awake, which ones did I value more, which ones would help others - turn into something beautiful and lasting?
Right then and there, I decided I’d sell all my designer clothes, the ones I didn’t wear and even some I did, (I kept a few staple pieces I wasn’t ready to part with) putting the money I made from them into an account, an account called “Dreams”. So this poetry book, which is now a physical thing you can see, feel and read, isn’t just sitting hung up, hooked in the closet of my mind and a cupboard of ‘one day's and ‘what if's.
This book you hold is not only a journal, letters, stories, poetry and prose, although that might be all you see. Not only do I see the ups and downs of life that was had in the making of this book, the poems of dark and bright moments, but I also see empty coathangers. I see the things I was holding onto, although beautiful, they were the result of someone else’s dream.
When we have a dream or a goal, sometimes we focus so much on the end result, which is still an important aspect, but we forget about the other side of the coin when it comes to achieving something we set out to do. There’s a whole heap of discipline, long hours, cleaning out space so you can work on what it is you really want to do, and for me, tonnes of prayer and journaling, making sure I still have time to play, cutting back work hours and goodness so many more things. So take a look around, what can you trade off for something better? Everything at the end of the day is a trade-off, you trade time watching Netflix for time learning a program for your book, you trade those things you don't use to fund something that will be useful, you get the picture…
Grab the scales, weigh it up, and make sure you plonk some perspective, hindsight and larger picture things on there too with all those dreams and desires on your heart. Lastly, remember your ‘why’ hold onto the purpose of the project, whenever I thought about doing a book and publishing it, I honestly lost motivation. “I don’t really care about those things,” I would say, “I just super enjoy writing poetry and stories.” Yet when I was editing the poems and remembering times that really sucked, I was encouraged and felt far lighter and brighter, and this was something I didn’t feel I’d found in poetry I’d read. So the thought of another person feeling what I had felt and gaining comfort from these words kept me trading off my comfort and ease to sail out of the sea(sons) of holding on to pretty comforts that never really served me. Although there are many many stories that belong to the poems in this book, which I’d be more than happy to share in person, this one is foundational and one that deserved space online.
Big Love
O.J.S